The weird crap in my mind.


I’ve been meaning to blog for a while but I just haven’t had the initiative to sit down and put a whole lot of thought into it. I want to blog more regularly and so instead of just not doing anything today I figured I’m going to give you a glimpse into the strange things I think about. So strap in…

Have you ever wondered about Jesus’s first crush. We tend to think of Jesus as being asexual but for him to have to be tempted in every way he couldn’t have been. Can you imagine 14-year-old Jesus going to temple and seeing a girl across the outer court and seeing a girl who made him feel funny. Did he have the courage to go talk to her? Did he use any pick up lines? “Hey you remind me a lot of the people around my dad’s house.” “My Dad must have spent a little more time on you.” Did he make a move? What about Jesus’ first kiss? Did that even happen?

Jonah was a sicko. He strolled into town got everyone’s attention and said, “Hey I’m just here to let you know that here in a couple of days…..God’s going to set you all on fire. Ok I’m out!” *Mic Drop* THEN homey went and got the best view to WATCH THE PEOPLE BURN! He made himself a little viewing shelter, popped some popcorn, and got ready for the show. Now I have never smelled burning flesh, nor have I ever heard some one burning to death but it doesn’t sound like something I want to be a part of. I mean I’m a firebug so I’ve smelled burnt hair plenty of times, and that smells terrible. So lets just forget that he cared more about a plant than he did the people of Nineveh, this dude actually was excited to watch the deaths of thousands of people.

Do you realize that Jesus washed Judas’ feet knowing he would betray him? Can you imagine that? Washing someone’s feet is nasty. I’ve done it and I don’t like it. I washed my wife’s feet at a camp once. Nope didn’t like that either. And this is my wife. The person I love more than anyone else and it was still kind of gross. And Jesus washed the feet of the man who would send him to be crucified. They BOTH knew it at the time. Can you imagine what is going through Judas’ head? I can’t imagine humbling myself to wash the feet of a man who would betray me.

What was going through Jesus’ head when he designed us. Any of you that know me might know where this is headed. Why were we designed to fart? And did Jesus giggle when he put it in? I imagine he did. Which if he did would prove that even God finds farts funny. I’m thankful for it because nothing will make me laugh harder than a fart joke. I watch the movie Rocket Man specifically for that reason. I don’t like the rest of the movie but the 5 minute fart joke in the middle makes me feel happy just thinking about it. And it was Jesus’ idea.

Who would win in a wrestling match between Jacob and Samson? Samson was the strongest man but Jacob put God in a headlock and held onto it with his hip popped out of socket.

Why to translators still use the word baptize? They know that word doesn’t exist.

What purpose does long ear and nose hair serve? While we are on it what is the point of ticks, leeches, mosquitoes, and gnats?

Jesus was a carpenter, if he ever cut a board too short could he just put it back on?

Does God care if we capitalize the pronouns that reference “H”im?

Anyway that’s what I think about sometimes. There are lots of things that I think about that I’d like to think I’ll ask God when I meet Him. I’ve done enough study to know that I won’t care about any of this. But still I think curiosity about the world that was created for us helps us learn more about Him.


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